Stuff

31/01/13

It’s like, there’s giving up, and then there’s this. 

I feel empty and sad and upset and teary and angry and frustrated and everything and I’m so confused.

Some help would be nice.

22/01/13

For fudging fucking bloody shitting hell. And she calls me selfish.

21/12/12 
Then 25/01/13
And now fucking 15/03/13.

I can’t bloody last that long. She really doesn’t understand how fucking difficult this is!

Today has been a fucked up day.

The temptation to leave, buy a bunch of pills and then never turn up again is incredible. 

19/01/13

Spending a day alone probably isn’t the best idea, it just reminds be that I want to die.

18/01/13

Snowed today so came home from school at 11, brought Chris back with me and it was all nice and we had lunch and watched a movie and had a nap together and it was all amazing. And we joked around and cuddled for ages and laughed and had such an amazing time. But then of course I had to fuck it up. I’ve kinda been thinking for a few weeks that maybe I should break up with him, for his sake not mine. Because I know I’m not making him happy anymore. I just feel so shit all the time and I need someone to talk to and I know he’ll almost always be there for me and I think I took advantage of that. But when I told him that we shouldn’t be together anymore he just looked so upset and kept asking me not to do it. And I wanted to stick to doing my best for him but I couldn’t handle seeing him like that and seeing him upset made me want him back so I could try to make him happy again. Then we did some talking and some thinking and I think that it’s fixed for now but I don’t know if it could get worse or whatever in the future and I just need to do some more thinking. Fuck. I really wish I hadn’t gotten into this.